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By Emily Brunemann

Imagine this scenario… You are walking around the mall with your friend enjoying the time away from practice. While walking your friend starts to open up about how they feel sad all the time and are having thoughts they haven’t had before. They tell you they feel like it would be better if they just weren’t around anymore, nothing will make them happy, and they don’t feel like anything ever will. You stand there as the friend you are but don’t know what words to say. You want to be supportive, strong, and not scared for your friend.

These types of situations are common. It is also common to not know how to handle them – you may become uncomfortable, nervous, and, quite frankly, scared. These feelings may come up with multiple types of conversations about mental health including suicide. It doesn’t matter if you are in middle school, high school, college, or an adult, being comfortable having discussions with others about mental health is important. There is a very high chance that a friend, teammate or colleague will talk to you about a mental health concern at some point in your life and knowing what to say to help them get the help they may need is very important.

When these conversations come up, the best way to respond is in a supportive way. Remember, they respect you enough to come to you with their struggles and feelings. This response has the potential to let the individual know they are not being judged, it creates a trusting environment for you to then offer help they may need. It’s OK not to have the answers. Simply being there for them and helping them get the professional help they may need can be the best solution.

Here are other ways to talk to a friend/teammate/coworker when they come to you with mental health struggles:

• Communicate open and honestly: use “I” and “You” statements, for example: “I am glad you are talking to me” “You haven’t seemed yourself” “I have been concerned about you” “How can I help you” this helps the individual feel that the conversation is genuine. If you have been worried about them tell them, if you did not realize they were going through a hard time let them know, etc.
• Ask questions: some examples are “how long have you been struggling with this?” “Do you want me to help you find someone to talk to?”  “How can I help?”  Try to learn about your friend and what they are currently going through.   If you don’t understand something they say, ask them more about that.
• Listen to what they are saying: this one can be hard because when conversations come up you may be saying to yourself ‘Oh no, what do I do?’ ‘How do I change the subject?’ or ‘Ahhhhh.’ When this is going on in your mind it is hard to be in the present with the person opening up to you.
• Reassuring the person you care and treating them with compassion and empathy.
• Comparing a mental health struggle to a physical injury or sickness. This helps the individual realize that when something is wrong physically or with health then you would get help you need to get better, and that this situation is no different.
• *MOST IMPORTANTLY* Help them find professional resources. Offering to go with them to an appointment can help ease any worries they may have.  Here is the link to the previous article I put together of mental health resources. 

Read the original article on SwimSwam.com

By Emily Brunemann

As I have written and spoken about, everyone falls on a spectrum of well-being. I like to think about this spectrum as a ruler, on which you may slide up and down.  Some days we feel like a 10 and some days we feel like a 2.  When we feel like a 2 often or for an extended period of time, seeking professional help is important and valuable.  Emotional, physical, mental, and social factors can all contribute the where on that ruler we fall.  From day-to-day, week-to-week, and year-to-year that spot may vary, which is normal.  Every person fluctuates but learning how to manage those fluctuations so they may be less intense can be very powerful in helping us live the life we want to live.  Understanding yourself and your triggers is a great way to combat those variations.

This time of the year can be full of exams, holidays, training trips, more intensity, or whatever may increase your stress levels; it is important to know and therefore manage those triggers.  Triggers are described as external events or circumstances that may create uncomfortable emotional, mental, and sometimes physical symptoms, such as anxiety, panic, discouragement, despair, negative self-talk, headaches, or uneasiness.  Everyone has different and unique triggers, which may increase these symptoms.  Reacting to our triggers is normal, but if we don’t recognize them and respond to them appropriately, they may actually cause a downward spiral, making us feel worse and worse.

A great tool to use to better understand yourself is to write down on a separate piece of paper anything that may increase the uncomfortable feelings mentioned above, uneasiness, or distress.  This may take time and it can be done whenever you experience or think about your triggers.  This is not to say you have to avoid these triggers – knowing what can affect you is the first step in being able to manage your reactions more effectively.

Some examples of common triggers can be but are not limited to:

• The anniversary dates of losses or trauma
• Frightening news events
• Feeling overwhelmed
• Stress
• Family friction/complications
• The end of a relationship
• Spending too much time alone
• Feeling like you are being judged, criticized, teased, or put down
• Financial concerns
• Physical illness/injury
• Sexual harassment
• Being around someone who has treated you badly
• Certain smells, tastes, or noises which may remind you of a hard time
• Being yelled at

Once you know and understanding your triggers you have the ability to change the way they affect you.  We talk constantly about self-care, which means making sure that you have measures in your daily life that allow you to take a deep breath, relieve some stress, and have fun.  It is not always easy to do these self care practices when we are overly stressed and overwhelmed, however that is the time you need to do them most.  One of my professors said it perfectly: in looking at yourself would you treat others the way you treat yourself?  Would you say the things to others you say to yourself?  Being able to reflect on these questions can better help you understand if you are giving into the triggers which may be pushing you over the edge or if you are managing well.  Making self-care a priority in your life can help you avoid those fluctuations in your ruler.  These do not prevent all triggers from affecting us, however they may help keep those symptoms away longer or the symptoms may be less intense.  Some things that may help when you feel these triggers affecting you may be:

• Make sure I do everything on my daily self-care list
• Call a support person and ask them to listen while I talk through the situation
• Do a half-hour relaxation exercise
• Write in my journal for at least half an hour
• Exercise
• Pray
• Play the piano or work on a fun activity for 1 hour
• Play games

Creating a toolbox of strategies is something everyone should have, as mentioned each person is individual so what may work for one may not for another, which is completely fine.  When our toolbox doesn’t work and we feel so overwhelmed with emotions seeking professional help is very valuable.  Knowledge is power, so know yourself and have strategies in place so you are able to live how you want.